Good Times

As I live life, I have my good times, and my bad times. For some reason, I feel like my bad times outweigh the good. Partly because I've created the bad times for myself. But not always. Sometimes things just happen that I cannot control. Other times I choose to make life miserable for myself. 

For example; I recently just came thru a very dark period in my life. Friends were dropping left and right, and I became a work-a-holic because that's all I could do. Finally things came to a head and I broke down emotionally. I decided my pride wasn't worth my pain. And so I mended some fences, and had some much needed air-clearing conversations. And I learned one very important thing. Pride is not worth losing people. Sometimes, you gotta suck it up and do what you absolutely do not want to do. Because in the long run, you want life to be full of good things. Good things, good people, and good times.

Stress to Impress

You hear the term "dress to impress" a lot. But what about just trying to always impress either a group of people or just that one person that you want to maybe prove yourself to. (And I'm speaking to myself here too.)

My question is, why do we always feel the need to impress others? Why can't we just do what we want, say what we want, wear what we want, post what we want, without wandering what other people are thinking of us? 

I think we as humans are constantly fighting this battle against Human Comparing Syndrom (HCS). We always find the need to impress, or up ourselves in the sight of others. But why? What in our makeup makes us think we have to prove ourselves? 

I think instead of trying to answer that question, we all just need to work on accepting our own selves. Our quirky personalities, the way we all think differently, and use that to our advantage, instead of tearing ourselves down constantly wondering what others are thinking of us. 

Oh Canada

After spending over a week in Saskatchewan and Alberta, I have discovered just how much I love Canada. 

I got the chance to go to Banff National Park in Alberta. There I fulfilled my dream of seeing Moraine Lake and Lake Louise. It was so breathtaking. Actually, that doesn't even describe it. You would have to be there and see with your own eyes the glorious mountains and rivers and lakes to understand how amazingly gorgeous it is. What struck me as beautiful was the color of the rivers and lakes. Driving about you would occasionally see a river winding through the pine trees and it would be the prettiest shade of light teal, close to white. The lakes were each different shades of vibrant teals and blues. It didn't even appear to be real water at first sight. That's how crazy beautiful it was. 

Also, being the nerd I am, I absolutely loved all the pine trees. Adding to the  sides of the mountains and the valleys, they helped create the most magical place on planet earth. Or so I would say. 

There was a man in Canada who said he has traveled far and wide even in Europe, but believes Banff to be the most beautiful places of them all. And I don't doubt it for one moment. 

Chicago

Frank Sinatra once said (or sang) 

"My kind of town, Chicago is."

After returning home from a weekend in Chicago, it's hard to understand how anyone could not like that beautiful city. Maybe it's just because I'm a city person who loves simply strolling downtown passing hundreds of people and hearing taxis and buses honking at each other. Or riding the train and watching the transition from skyscrapers to houses and parks. 

Some people define themselves as country folk or a city person. I don't think I can solidly place myself in either category. I like living in the country; there's the sunsets, the peaceful rain storms, the star gazing at night, or just sitting on the patio listening to bullfrogs in the summer darkness. But then I absolutely love big cities. The hustle and bustle, the random people doing totally random things on street corners, the amazing architecture of the buildings, and the overall excitement it presents. 

•Moving On•

 Moving on. What kind of title is this? Moving on. Can one ever truly "move on?" Let me explain. 

I was reading a place in one of my notebooks where, after being severely disappointed, I had written down quotes about moving on from an emotional setback. And it got me thinking about how one really does move on. After writing 4 pages of quotes out, I was trying to convince myself on that day a year ago, that I could move on and triumph over the pain that was plaguing me. I did, eventually move on over the surface pain and anger. But the regret and hurt will never completely fade. 

Looking back farther in time, to 2 years ago, I glance at another trial that gave me much sorrow. I will not go into great detail, as that is not needed here. But, what I suffered then has stayed with me to this very day. To this very moment. I wish I could say I have moved on from that; but some things cannot be removed from your mind, nor from your heart. It was a pain so deep, so real, I could literally feel my heart breaking. You read about such sensations in novels and watch it in movies; but I felt that very thing. The kind of pain where you don't know how life could possibly go on after what has happened to you. The kind of pain where you begin to believe you can now longer trust anyone in your life because of your trust being broken. The kind of pain when your heart has been betrayed and used and left behind. When you wait until everyone around you is asleep so you can cry aloud. When every night your pillow is drenched with tears. And every morning you wake up with red, dry eyes. Unless you have ever experienced such emotional pain, you cannot possibly understand what it is truly like. So I ask you again. Can one truly move on from something so heartbreaking? And from something that temporarily ruined their life? 

My answer is that the answer is inconclusive.  Because it is possible to move on from how deeply you feel the pain, but the hurt never entirely goes away. Now, for some people, they are able to block it from their minds, and go on. But there are others, who simply just close their eyes and all the memories can flash before them, and they can feel the pain exactly as they felt it years before. 

Pain and hurt, however do not have to be the end of your story. There comes a time when you must decide to let go, and live on. Not move on, but live on. Letting the past be the past. I personally know what it is like to carry months and months of emotional grief every single day of my life and never move on from it. And let me tell you. That is the worst way you could ever live your life. When you never smile, when you never laugh, and when everyday is just a struggle from the time you rise in the morning until you sleep at night. And if you find yourself at this very point, I want to say one thing to you; don't let go of hope. Of life. Because tomorrow could possibly be the very day your dreams get rebuilt. And the very day that you begin to move on. 

Finding Adventure

I love adventures. And to me, that word has so many different meanings. It could be flying on a plane, it could be just a road trip, or not even a trip at all. 

Some of the best adventures I've ever had were right in my backyard. For instance, me and my brother wanted some pine wood for a fire we were burning on our patio. We walked together to the ends of the earth (ok not really just to the edge of our big property) and looked in our big wood pile for pine wood. Disappointed were we when we found none. We turned around and began walking back when my brother spotted a fairly large dead branch hanging in one of our pine trees. We then got the genius idea of somehow getting that branch down because we just had to have pine wood. In the end, we got it down, and in great victory, pulled it up to the house and celebrated our triumph in finding pine wood. 

To me, some of the greatest adventures are just those everyday happenings that we share with those we love. Because everyday has the promise of holding a new adventure.